Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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