my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
