I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
