he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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