No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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