If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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