I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
