He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
