How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
