this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I still have a little drunk in my system
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
