is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
