I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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