Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
