he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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