I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
