My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
