i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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