whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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