New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
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Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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