C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My pussy is not your playground.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
