Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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