please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
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Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
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if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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