Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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