From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
