I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Found your dick twin last night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
