just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
