i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We don't watch enough power rangers
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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