Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
