So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
