your parents love me but you hate me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
