I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize