I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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