Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Randomize
