you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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