my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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