I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
