Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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