Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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