when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
