I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Im part way to drunk.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize