My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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