Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
