u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
