roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
