It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
