just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
