Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
