two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
