...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
