I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
