and i looked up. we had an audience...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
