can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my being single is dangerous.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
