if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
