Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
