i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
