That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
