ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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