You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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