i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
