I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
