this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
