Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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