nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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