Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
