I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
