She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
