I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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