I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
